Should a childless spinster adopt a child?

A Christian spinster is usually advised to patiently wait for a monogamous marriage before having children. "Single motherhood is stressful. A child needs both parents". Later on in life, she will be told to consider adoption if she is feeling lonely, rather than have her own child out of wedlock. If single motherhood is not ideal for her own child, does someone else's child deserve it? Is it even in the child's own interests? 

1. The best adoptive home for an orphan is the one where the married couple already have a child or 2 of their own. The wife's health has been stabilized by childbearing. She is not dragged to the surgical theatre by fibroids for not having her own biological child (https://punchng.com/virginity-does-not-protect-from-fibroid-ivf-expert/). The couple are not shedding tears of frustration every time the wife menstruates, making the adopted child wonder, "Am I not good enough to make them happy?" The adopted child is not emotionally crushed by hearing them pray to get their own child. They are likelier to stay married for life than childless couples (who may break up to test their fertilities elsewhere). Very few people will know they are not the biological parents. 

2. The 2nd-best adoptive home is the one with a childless couple. At least, they have each other. They can wait for the child to sleep at night before trying to have their own child. The child cannot interfere with their love life. Once the wife remains healthy, they will be able to do their best by the child.                      Even then , the  presence of an adopted child can fool some inexperienced pregnant women into approaching a childless woman  for pregnancy advice (drawing tears from her eyes as she explains the true state of affairs). If she is still childless when the child becomes a parent, she will make a clueless grandmother and have to seek other people's help (especially if the child doesn't have a biological mother-in-law). If the child is kidnapped or killed (even after leaving home as an adult), a childless adoptive parent may become the prime suspect. Relatives (whose children were displaced from inheriting  property by a "strange child") will resent the child and won't foster (let alone adopt)  the child if the adoptive parent(s) die before the child becomes an adult. They may return him to the orphanage for fostering before he returns for his inheritance at 18.    

3. The next-best home is the one with a single mother. Even if she doesn't ever have the chance to get married, she already has at least one biological child. She doesn't have to fear menopause any longer and is less prone to fibroids than a childless woman. She can afford to bear a "Mrs" title (with the same surname as the children) , in order to "dignify" the children. 

4. The worst home is the one with a childless spinster. (a) She is highly prone to fibroids , which tend to regrow even after surgery until she gives birth biologically. (b) Adoption scares away most eligible men (who don't want to marry single mothers and carry another man's responsibilities) from her, while the biological single mothers (who are also fibroid-free) hide their children with relatives or orphanages in order to attract bachelors for marriage. (c) A spinster and her date will be disturbed by the adopted child during his evening visits, since they don't live together as a couple. (d) Since she has no husband by her side and is still a "Miss", she must explain to curious wives asking for the child's father that the child is adopted (and not born by her for anyone's husband) for the child's own safety.     

[ Caring for someone else's child ] + [ the health problems of childlessness ] - [ the support of a husband ] = [ the worst of all worlds ]. 

Orphanages provide a vital service for abandoned children. They foster them till 18 years of age before sending them out , to make way for new babies. Other members of the society (including people who can't afford to adopt them) can donate the little money they have to the orphanage. Politicians and other bigwigs also do the same. "Little drops of water, little grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the beauteous land". The absence of any extra help or inheritance after age 18 is compensated for by the absence of extended family responsibilities towards nephews, nieces, aged relatives, etc later in life. Agony aunts, the right books, etc will provide emotional support.  

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People should have only the number of children they can cater for, without depending on others to foster or adopt them. God is not against family planning. After having enough children ,how can a married couple obey Matthew 19:9 ("don't divorce your spouse except on the grounds of adultery") ; 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 ("don't deprive each other of sex, except by mutual consent for a SHORT period of prayer") and 1 Timothy 5: 8 ("whoever doesn't provide for his own family is worse than an unbeliever") without using some form of family planning? It is abortion that God hates (Exodus 21: 22-25 ; Psalm 139: 16 ; Ecclesiastes 11: 5 ; Isaiah 49: 1 ; Luke 1: 41, 44 ), not pregnancy prevention. God killed Onan for preventing CHILDLESS Tamar from having any child after marrying her in order to get her late husband's (his late brother's) property (Genesis 38: 1-11 ; Deuteronomy 25: 5-10). God spared Ruth's closest male in-law, who was honest enough to decline both her and Mahlon's property and let richer Boaz marry her (Ruth 4: 1-10). 

Even God (with His infinite resources) created only 2 people directly, and left them to produce more people by reproduction. Noah and his wife did not have any more children after the Flood. They understood the "Be fruitful and multiply" command was for their 3 sons and their wives . 

An online women's conference

Mrs A and Mrs B are close friends. While Mrs A lives with her husband and posts their family pictures on social media, she doesn't know Mr B (her friend's husband). The two friends have the following conversation one day. 

Mrs A: As close as we are, why don't I know your husband and your children's father? You keep telling me he works and lives outside the country.

Mrs B: Why are you worried? Does my husband's surname tally with yours? Maybe you should get a computer geek to track your husband's phone conversations. 

Mrs A: I have done that already and know you are not dating him or have children for him. I am just curious about why your man has never visited you. Is he late?  

Mrs B: No. He is still alive but married to another woman.

Mrs A: Who entered his life first : you or she?

Mrs B: Me. 

Mrs A: Please give me the details. I'm all ears. 

Mrs B: We dated while in the secondary school but later parted when he insisted on premarital sex. We were both too young for parenthood then. Even when I graduated and got a job, the men I dated insisted on getting me pregnant to confirm my fertility before taking me to the altar. I don't believe in premarital sex and suggested we go for fertility check-ups (including ultrasound scans and hormonal profile tests) instead. They refused and walked away. Yet, a man will get 4 women pregnant, marry one (or even none) and ask all the others to abort. I later developed fibroids at 32.   

Mrs A: What are fibroids? 

Mrs B: Fibroids are non-cancerous tumors that grow in a woman's womb. My belly started enlarging like a pregnant woman's, scaring potential suitors away. Sellers of baby things started pestering me whenever I go to the market. Doctors blamed my being childless at that age and advised surgery (https://punchng.com/virginity-does-not-protect-from-fibroid-ivf-expert/). Less informed people say only family planning causes fibroids in women. The only family planning method I was using then was abstinence. When I asked them why most married women (who ALL use contraceptives, rather than abstinence, to space or stop child-bearing) don't have fibroids, they kept quiet. I had to explain that, "Married women stop using contraceptives every 2 or 3 years to have another child, while we spinsters use abstinence non-stop for decades (while waiting for a monogamous marriage) and become fibroid-prone due to nulliparity. Even if they develop fibroids after their last child, they can cheerfully wait for menopause to clear up the fibroids without going for surgery. If the pains or bleeding become unbearable, they can have their wombs removed to prevent a regrowth". I drank all sorts of potions from traditional healers but none worked. My belly kept slowly getting bigger and I had 2-week-long belly pains (called fibroid degeneration) every 6 months. I eventually underwent the surgery at 37.      

Mrs A: What happened next? 

Mrs B: I was told to try to have my own child (after resting for 1 year) in order to prevent a fibroid regrowth. At that age, most bachelors were younger than I and considered me too old for marriage, while most men my age and above were married. The only widower who asked me out had 5 children and was always broke. I knew I couldn't help him feed them all and still be able to bear and rear my 2-3 children. Surgery has weakened me too much for that. I prefer a living rival (who will help rear her own children) to a dead one (whose children will be a burden to me). Then I ran into my ex at a seminar and we exchanged contacts. Though I knew he is now married, I wanted to avoid another fibroid surgery. I have my own job, had only the number of children I can rear alone, have never gone near his matrimonial home and send only safe messages to his phone. Which wife will suspect a contact who sends prayer messages (covering both him and his family), health tips, inspirational sermons, etc (but no love messages) to her husband's phone? My kids and I bear one of his other names. I showed my close relatives only his photo (so they can avoid sleeping with him, which would be incest) but kept his real names and other details to myself (so they won't accidentally spill the beans to someone who knows the wife).Thank God for the impossibility of maternity fraud from a shared husband or lover. (https://thesun.ng/i-want-his-child-not-him/)

Mrs A: Now I understand why today's mistresses do not continue to wait for their own husbands. Isaiah 4:1 is also being fulfilled in our day.  It's not easy to frequent the surgical theatre without a child to show for it, while some other women gloat about having all their children vaginally. You can't wait for a divorcé or widower at an advanced age without wishing another woman divorced or prematurely dead. Having many children also endangers the wife's life (https://punchng.com/i-cant-cope-with-14-children-after-my-wifes-death-kano-quintuplets-father/?fbclid=IwdGRjcARIzhFjbGNrBEjOC2V4dG4DYWVtAjExAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDDM1MDY4NTUzMTcyOAABHqO9qJln776TTBO52H6JnpgkGGoZQ4-6wAZZA0wip793r1nYLMnqBz9HVYSf_aem_VYvdvV2cM4m3p7SEeE0TPg). I wish all mistresses are as reasonable as you are. Some of them wish us dead so that they can take over, not knowing the problems we domiciled wives face.  

Mrs B: What problems? 

Mrs A: While you may occasionally bemoan your teenage son's lack of a full-time father, you have only you and your children to feed most of the time. We domiciled wives must always put food on the table for our husbands and in-laws, regardless of an inadequate housekeeping allowance (https://thesun.ng/family-values-under-stress-as-women-breadwinners-take-front-row/). If we complain to our in-laws, they call us our husbands' destiny-stealers (https://punchng.com/we-feed-clothe-our-husbands-yet-they-call-us-witches-star-thieves-breadwinner-wives/) . Feeding is more expensive than the rent and school fees our husbands pay to keep up appearances. You can't hide your phone and investment documents from a live-in husband, while you are advised to leave his own phone alone for peace to reign. That's why single mothers build their own personal houses faster than we domiciled wives do. My husband always reminds me that he built our house alone but forgets the heavy financial burden (of feeding, rent, school fees, etc) I carried while he paid for the building (which is in his name alone). Whenever I hear that he has another woman somewhere, I dread his bringing her home and sending me packing out of a house we both laboured to build. Some men endanger our lives by bringing their mistresses home while we are away, or sleeping with our friends, househelps, etc. No man will come and beat you up at your place the way he beats up his wife at home. That's why we wives throw tantrums and appear selfish and wicked to you mistresses. All our husband's mistresses know us from our husband's social media accounts and feel threatened when we visit their neighbourhoods for church evangelism, parties, visiting friends and relatives, etc. We may even stroll into their salon to make our hair after we finish shopping. They will think we are tracking them down when we really haven't known them as our rivals. 

Mrs B: Thanks for enlightening me in turn. Now I know how the other half lives. My teenage son interacts with good father figures at their best through good books and church programmes. My male relatives also answer his personal questions. After all, orphans survive the same way. 

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I hope we have all learnt something from this conference. Have a nice day. 

 

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You may also like to read the following : 

http://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2023/04/fibroid-surgery-and-recovery-process.html?m=1 

   ; 

  https://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2024/08/some-socio-economic-tips.html?m=1 .

https://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2025/11/should-childless-spinster-adopt-child.html?m=1

COMMON DECIMATORS OF WOMEN

(1) HAVING MANY CHILDREN increases a woman's risk of placenta previa, Caesarean section, cervical cancer, etc. That is why even the rich (e.g. Femi Otedola and Bill Gates) often have just a few children. Even God directly created only 2 humans (Adam & Eve) and left the remaining creation job to them (through reproduction). The angels are many but don't marry or reproduce. 

(2) CHILDLESSNESS drags most women (including mature spinsters waiting for Mr Right) into recurrent fibroid surgeries, which adoption cannot prevent.

(3) DOMESTIC VIOLENCE kills many women prematurely and makes their children double orphans when the killer husband is executed. It is better to have 2 living-but-separated parents than to lose both of them to such shameful circumstances.

(4) FIGHTING OTHER WOMEN OVER A MAN (even if just verbally) makes you more enemies than you can ever dream of. For every rival you know, there are 5 others you don't know yet (Isaiah 4 : 1, in the Bible). The rival you know has many relatives, friends and sympathizers you don't know. Your fellow WIM (=wife in monogamy) may have relatives who are mistresses. If her husband is infertile, they may even have used your husband as a sperm donor. Mind how you talk to, before and about other people. Threats can get you eliminated in self-defence. May we not offend our hairdressers, midwives, children's teachers, etc. If your husband does his duties [to the best of his ability] and doesn't bring another woman home, relax and enjoy your marriage. If you cannot cope any longer, it is better to divorce him (and leave with your children) than to fight people. Conversely, if your child's father is married to another woman, keep your child's paternity secret.

(5) Some DECEITFUL HUSBANDS have love affairs with their wives' housemaids, friends, etc or bring in their mistresses as "relatives" or tenants. Such rivals can easily eliminate the unsuspecting wife. Even after rejecting the advances of someone close to your wife, you need to let your wife know the facts so that she can be careful with the person. A smart wife will not go and fight the person.

 May we not die childless or leave our children behind prematurely (as burdens to people who did not plan their births). 

Being widowed with many children makes a man unmarketable in terms of marriage. How many women can help you rear five children without having to forego motherhood or neglect their earlier children? Therefore, take good care of your wife. May you not become a single father.

Some socio-economic tips

1. If circumstances do not allow you to help people , just make sure you don't harm them. Jesus Christ did not blame the 5 wise virgins for not rendering self-harming help to the foolish virgins (Matthew 25: 1-12).

2. There is a limit to human help (2 Kings 6:26-27 ; Psalm 49:7-9) . Even the biological parents of an only child will not be able to help him rear up his 4 children, 16 grandchildren, 64 great-grandchildren, etc. 

3. Don't distract people from facing their own battles. Neither try to profiteer from other people's problems. Don't dump your children's upkeep on someone who is childless or has lost a child. They will see you as the architect of their problems. Nowadays, most childless women battle fibroids, etc and can't afford to shoulder the upkeep of other people's children as well. 

4. Don't have more children than you can handle alone (in case of divorce or widowhood , and even to enjoy your marriage ) . Even God directly created only 2 people (and left the remaining production to us, via reproduction). Having many children even increases a woman's risk of developing placenta previa, cervical cancer, etc. There is a medium in all things. 

5. Extensive farming (along with attending public schools) can help large families to survive. Labour is a factor of production. That's how our forefathers survived in the olden days. 

6. Yorùbá people say :(a)"Òrìṣà jẹ́ n pé méjì obìnrin kò dénú"( Deep down, no woman wants her husband to have another wife) ; (b) "Ẹní bímọ fún'ni kúrò l'álè ẹni" (the mother of your child is more than a side chick or mistress). Therefore, don't let any woman see (or know) you as her rival, or your child as her stepchild. That's how not to be a home-breaker.

7. No cheating husband can commit maternity fraud against a woman. A woman can always tell her own child apart from a stepchild. That is nature's compensation for the labour pains. Remember this biological advantage when tempted to cheat back or fight other women over a man.

8. A mistress has only herself and her children to feed most of the time, since the man visits her only occasionally while his friends and relatives have no business with her. She can therefore afford to be less financially demanding than the wife (who needs an adequate Entertainment Allowance in order to be a good wife, stepmother, daughter-in-law, etc). Greater work should attract greater pay.

9. All financial transactions (even between relatives and fellow believers) should be properly documented. Read Jeremiah 32: 6-12.

May God bless all our well-wishers and make the plans of the wicked against us backfire on them. Amen.

 

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You may also like to read:

http://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2023/04/fibroid-surgery-and-recovery-process.html?m=1

 http://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2023/04/missing-person-adewale-adeboye.html?m=1

https://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2025/08/an-online-womens-conference.html?m=1

https://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2025/11/should-childless-spinster-adopt-child.html?m=1

Like a computer-based test (CBT), life is a series of customized "questions" (or trials). You may face trials previously unknown to those in your family, neighbourhood,etc. You may get into trouble for doing what other people had gotten away with.

"Past questions" (other people's earlier experiences) alone are often not enough to get by. You have to read very widely and think deeply. Life has no curriculum, syllabus or exam time-table. You may face questions on PRONOUN before knowing what a NOUN is. You may face SIMULTANEOUS EQUATIONS before LINEAR EQUATIONS , or INTEGRATION before DIFFERENTIATION. This is because "the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one" (1 John 5: 19).  

Therefore, face your problems squarely and don't distract others from facing theirs. Your "questions" are unique. It is sheer wickedness to push your responsibilities to others (and sheer folly to accept such responsibilities). "No dog is ferocious enough to guard two houses successfully", says a Yoruba proverb. A good swimmer should direct others from a safe distance. If they all hang on to him (instead of learning to swim), both he and they will drown. 

When the 5 wise virgins were unable to share their oil, they directed the 5 foolish virgins to the sellers of oil (Matthew 25: 1-12). When Moses' own mother was unable to hide him at home beyond 3 months of age, she placed him in a water-proof basket over the River Nile. God moved Pharaoh's daughter to adopt (rather than kill) him (Exodus 2: 1- 10). Know your limits. "Too much luggage breaks a plantain stem", says another Yoruba proverb. 

"He gave me an engagement ring but another woman has the key to his house"

Phina met Richmond at a supermarket and a friendship later led to a relationship and then an engagement.

Two months after the engagement, Phina went to Richmond's house,knocked and a lady opened the door for her. "Yes,who are you looking for?", she asked. "I want to see Richmond. Is he in?",Phina asked. The lady said he wasn't at home. Phina left a message and left immediately.

Richmond later explained," She is my ex-girlfriend, Whitney. She still has the spare key to my apartment. I  have not seen her since we broke up. I didn't even know she is around". "Well, since you now know,please collect the key from her",Phina pleaded.

The next time she asked him, he told her  Whitney refused to give him the spare key and she emphasized that they have not broken up, they only had a misunderstanding like  any other couple. She has met the "ex" there about 5 times in his absence exhibiting the attitude of 'I am the owner of this house'.

To cut the long story short, Phina involved his family in the matter but he still refused to either collect his key from Whitney or change the lock. As far as he is concerned, "I cannot force her to give me the key. Whenever she is ready to hand over the key to me, she will."

The wedding day is getting closer and Phina needs your advice on whether to continue with the wedding plan or not. 

     

Appreciate your wife

A man was tired of going to work everyday while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through,so he prayed that her body be switched with his for a day.

God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, the man awoke as a woman and his wife as a man.

He arose, cooked breakfast, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes,fed them breakfast,packed their lunch boxes,drove them to school,came home and did the laundry. He went to the market and mended the little ones' uniforms. At 1 pm, he hurried to make the beds and sweep the whole house. He picked up the children from school,set out lunch and got them organized to do their homework.

At 4:3o pm, he began cooking supper. Later,he cleaned the kitchen, washed the dishes,folded laundry,bathed the children and put them to bed.

At 9 pm, he was exhausted but he still managed to make love with his mate.

The next morning,he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,"Lord, I was very wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please,let us trade back".

The Lord,in His infinite wisdom,replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait for nine months,though. You got pregnant last night".