An online women's conference

Mrs A and Mrs B are close friends. While Mrs A lives with her husband and posts their family pictures on social media, she doesn't know Mr B (her friend's husband). The two friends have the following conversation one day. 

Mrs A: As close as we are, why don't I know your husband and your children's father? You keep telling me he works and lives outside the country.

Mrs B: Why are you worried? Does my husband's surname tally with yours? Maybe you should get a computer geek to track your husband's phone conversations. 

Mrs A: I have done that already and know you are not dating him or have children for him. I am just curious about why your man has never visited you. Is he late?  

Mrs B: No. He is still alive but married to another woman.

Mrs A: Who entered his life first : you or she?

Mrs B: Me. 

Mrs A: Please give me the details. I'm all ears. 

Mrs B: We dated while in the secondary school but later parted when he insisted on premarital sex. We were both too young for parenthood then. Even when I graduated and got a job, the men I dated insisted on getting me pregnant to confirm my fertility before taking me to the altar. I don't believe in premarital sex and suggested we go for fertility check-ups (including ultrasound scans and hormonal profile tests) instead. They refused and walked away. Yet, a man will get 4 women pregnant, marry one (or even none) and ask all the others to abort. I later developed fibroids at 32.   

Mrs A: What are fibroids? 

Mrs B: Fibroids are non-cancerous tumors that grow in a woman's womb. My belly started enlarging like a pregnant woman's, scaring potential suitors away. Sellers of baby things started pestering me whenever I go to the market. Doctors blamed my being childless at that age and advised surgery (https://punchng.com/virginity-does-not-protect-from-fibroid-ivf-expert/). Less informed people say only family planning causes fibroids in women. The only family planning method I was using then was abstinence. When I asked them why most married women (who ALL use contraceptives, rather than abstinence, to space or stop child-bearing) don't have fibroids, they kept quiet. I had to explain that, "Married women stop using contraceptives every 2 or 3 years to have another child, while we spinsters use abstinence non-stop for decades (while waiting for a monogamous marriage) and become fibroid-prone due to nulliparity. Even if they develop fibroids after their last child, they can cheerfully wait for menopause to clear up the fibroids without going for surgery. If the pains or bleeding become unbearable, they can have their wombs removed to prevent a regrowth". I drank all sorts of potions from traditional healers but none worked. My belly kept slowly getting bigger and I had 2-week-long belly pains (called fibroid degeneration) every 6 months. I eventually underwent the surgery at 37.      

Mrs A: What happened next? 

Mrs B: I was told to try to have my own child (after resting for 1 year) in order to prevent a fibroid regrowth. At that age, most bachelors were younger than I and considered me too old for marriage, while most men my age and above were married. The only widower who asked me out had 5 children and was always broke. I knew I couldn't help him feed them all and still be able to bear and rear my 2-3 children. Surgery has weakened me too much for that. I prefer a living rival (who will help rear her own children) to a dead one (whose children will be a burden to me). Then I ran into my ex at a seminar and we exchanged contacts. Though I knew he is now married, I wanted to avoid another fibroid surgery. I have my own job, had only the number of children I can rear alone, have never gone near his matrimonial home and send only safe messages to his phone. Which wife will suspect a contact who sends prayer messages (covering both him and his family), health tips, inspirational sermons, etc (but no love messages) to her husband's phone? My kids and I bear one of his other names. I showed my close relatives only his photo (so they can avoid sleeping with him, which would be incest) but kept his real names and other details to myself (so they won't accidentally spill the beans to someone who knows the wife).Thank God for the impossibility of maternity fraud from a shared husband or lover. 

Mrs A: Now I understand why today's mistresses do not continue to wait for their own husbands. Isaiah 4:1 is also being fulfilled in our day.  It's not easy to frequent the surgical theatre without a child to show for it, while some other women gloat about having all their children vaginally. You can't wait for a divorcé or widower at an advanced age without wishing another woman divorced or prematurely dead. I wish all mistresses are as reasonable as you are. Some of them wish us dead so that they can take over, not knowing the problems we domiciled wives face.  

Mrs B: What problems? 

Mrs A: While you may occasionally bemoan your teenage son's lack of a full-time father, you have only you and your children to feed most of the time. We domiciled wives must always put food on the table for our husbands and in-laws, regardless of an inadequate housekeeping allowance. If we complain to our in-laws, they call us our husbands' destiny-stealers. Feeding is more expensive than the rent and school fees our husbands pay to keep up appearances. You can't hide your phone and investment documents from a live-in husband, while you are advised to leave his own phone alone for peace to reign. That's why single mothers build their own personal houses faster than we domiciled wives do. My husband always reminds me that he built our house alone but forgets the heavy financial burden (of feeding, rent, school fees, etc) I carried while he paid for the building (which is in his name alone). Whenever I hear that he has another woman somewhere, I dread his bringing her home and sending me packing out of a house we both laboured to build. Some men endanger our lives by bringing their mistresses home while we are away, or sleeping with our friends, househelps, etc. No man will come and beat you up at your place the way he beats up his wife at home. That's why we wives throw tantrums and appear selfish and wicked to you mistresses. All our husband's mistresses know us from our husband's social media accounts and feel threatened when we visit their neighbourhoods for church evangelism, parties, visiting friends and relatives, etc. We may even stroll into their salon to make our hair after we finish shopping. They will think we are tracking them down when we really haven't known them as our rivals. 

Mrs B: Thanks for enlightening me in turn. Now I know how the other half lives. My teenage son interacts with good father figures at their best through good books and church programmes. My male relatives also answer his personal questions. After all, orphans survive the same way. 

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I hope we have all learnt something from this conference. Have a nice day. 

 

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You may also like to read the following : 

http://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2023/04/fibroid-surgery-and-recovery-process.html?m=1 

   ; 

  https://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2024/08/some-socio-economic-tips.html?m=1 .