Should a childless spinster adopt a child?

A Christian spinster is usually advised to patiently wait for a monogamous marriage before having children. "Single motherhood is stressful. A child needs both parents". Later on in life, she will be told to consider adoption if she is feeling lonely, rather than have her own child out of wedlock. If single motherhood is not ideal for her own child, does someone else's child deserve it? Is it even in the child's own interests? 

1. The best adoptive home for an orphan is the one where the married couple already have a child or 2 of their own. The wife's health has been stabilized by childbearing. She is not dragged to the surgical theatre by fibroids for not having her own biological child (https://punchng.com/virginity-does-not-protect-from-fibroid-ivf-expert/). The couple are not shedding tears of frustration every time the wife menstruates, making the adopted child wonder, "Am I not good enough to make them happy?" The adopted child is not emotionally crushed by hearing them pray to get their own child. They are likelier to stay married for life than childless couples (who may break up to test their fertilities elsewhere). Very few people will know they are not the biological parents. 

2. The 2nd-best adoptive home is the one with a childless couple. At least, they have each other. They can wait for the child to sleep at night before trying to have their own child. The child cannot interfere with their love life. Once the wife remains healthy, they will be able to do their best by the child.                      Even then , the  presence of an adopted child can fool some inexperienced pregnant women into approaching a childless woman  for pregnancy advice (drawing tears from her eyes as she explains the true state of affairs). If she is still childless when the child becomes a parent, she will make a clueless grandmother and have to seek other people's help (especially if the child doesn't have a biological mother-in-law). If the child is kidnapped or killed (even after leaving home as an adult), a childless adoptive parent may become the prime suspect. Relatives (whose children were displaced from inheriting  property by a "strange child") will resent the child and won't foster (let alone adopt)  the child if the adoptive parent(s) die before the child becomes an adult. They may return him to the orphanage for fostering before he returns for his inheritance at 18.    

3. The next-best home is the one with a single mother. Even if she doesn't ever have the chance to get married, she already has at least one biological child. She doesn't have to fear menopause any longer and is less prone to fibroids than a childless woman. She can afford to bear a "Mrs" title (with the same surname as the children) , in order to "dignify" the children. 

4. The worst home is the one with a childless spinster. (a) She is highly prone to fibroids , which tend to regrow even after surgery until she gives birth biologically. (b) Adoption scares away most eligible men (who don't want to marry single mothers and carry another man's responsibilities) from her, while the biological single mothers (who are also fibroid-free) hide their children with relatives or orphanages in order to attract bachelors for marriage. (c) A spinster and her date will be disturbed by the adopted child during his evening visits, since they don't live together as a couple. (d) Since she has no husband by her side and is still a "Miss", she must explain to curious wives asking for the child's father that the child is adopted (and not born by her for anyone's husband) for the child's own safety.     

[ Caring for someone else's child ] + [ the health problems of childlessness ] - [ the support of a husband ] = [ the worst of all worlds ]. 

Orphanages provide a vital service for abandoned children. They foster them till 18 years of age before sending them out , to make way for new babies. Other members of the society (including people who can't afford to adopt them) can donate the little money they have to the orphanage. Politicians and other bigwigs also do the same. "Little drops of water, little grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the beauteous land". The absence of any extra help or inheritance after age 18 is compensated for by the absence of extended family responsibilities towards nephews, nieces, aged relatives, etc later in life. Agony aunts, the right books, etc will provide emotional support.  

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People should have only the number of children they can cater for, without depending on others to foster or adopt them. God is not against family planning. After having enough children ,how can a married couple obey Matthew 19:9 ("don't divorce your spouse except on the grounds of adultery") ; 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 ("don't deprive each other of sex, except by mutual consent for a SHORT period of prayer") and 1 Timothy 5: 8 ("whoever doesn't provide for his own family is worse than an unbeliever") without using some form of family planning? It is abortion that God hates (Exodus 21: 22-25 ; Psalm 139: 16 ; Ecclesiastes 11: 5 ; Isaiah 49: 1 ; Luke 1: 41, 44 ), not pregnancy prevention. God killed Onan for preventing CHILDLESS Tamar from having any child after marrying her in order to get her late husband's (his late brother's) property (Genesis 38: 1-11 ; Deuteronomy 25: 5-10). God spared Ruth's closest male in-law, who was honest enough to decline both her and Mahlon's property and let richer Boaz marry her (Ruth 4: 1-10). 

Even God (with His infinite resources) created only 2 people directly, and left them to produce more people by reproduction. Noah and his wife did not have any more children after the Flood. They understood the "Be fruitful and multiply" command was for their 3 sons and their wives . 

Fibroid surgery and the recovery process

 In preparation for the surgery, you will be given an enema to clear your
bowels. A catheter will also be fixed into your urethra (to help you
urinate during the surgery and a few days afterwards ). Most surgeries
are
done under spinal anaesthesia (where only your abdominal region is numbed
through an injection into the epidural space via the muscles of your back)
rather than general anaesthesia (where your whole system is shut down and
you are made to breathe through a ventilator). This is because spinal
anaesthesia allows the medical team to constantly monitor your pulse and
check your consciousness by chatting you up. A patient under general
anaesthesia can easily die during surgery and never wake up without anyone
knowing, since most wake up only 12 or more hours after the surgery. It is
said that the slightest movement during the spinal injection leads to
inability to walk for life but my anaesthetist dispelled the notion and I
never had cause to move because my injection was painless.( Please
play it safe by not moving, to prevent stories that touch the heart.)
The hospital
gown will be tied to the drip stands across your chest , leaving only your
head and shoulders on one side and your lower body on the other side for
the surgery. A brush will be used to smear a cream on your bare skin from
the chest down to demobilise you , preventing you from moving your body and
interfering with the surgery. To remove the fibroids, the following layers
will be cut open : the abdominal skin, the muscle, fascia, peritoneum and
uterine wall .Throughout the surgery (and for days afterwards), you will be
taking in liquids through drips and urinating through the catheter into the
urine bag (to be emptied when full into bed pans by the nurses). Water is
life.

After the surgery, you will experience surgical pains (as the anaesthetics
wear off). The pains will be intense and continuous for the first 12 hours
and gradually ease off over the next few days. [ No woman can escape the
curse God placed on Eve. If you choose a Caesarean Section to avoid labour
pains, you will experience your own pains after the surgery. Even if you
don't have a child, you will undergo fibroid surgery and experience its
pains]. You will be told to lie on your back without lifting your head (or
get 5 days' headache) for the first 12 hours. After the first 12 hours , I
took my first sip of water and was allowed to sit up on the bed. You won't
be allowed to eat for the first 24 hours so that you won't have to defecate
and get up from the bed. But you will take in water through drips and later
orally and urinate through the catheter into the urine bag.

The second day, I was led to the bathroom in the morning ,bathed by a
nurse and allowed to
take tea and liquid pap. On the 3rd day,I walked round the premises . The
urine bag was removed, allowing me to try urinating normally through the
catheter into the toilet for a few hours before the catheter and the belly
plaster were removed. I was discharged from the hospital on the fourth day.


How should you take care of your body after you have been discharged from
the hospital? These tips will help.

1. Soak a piece of cotton wool in methylated spirit,squeeze out excess
spirit into a container for later use and use the wool to wipe clean the
surface of the surgical incision (in one direction only, not back and
forth)  about every 2 hours.
  Use a mirror to see the incision clearly during wiping . Don't
bother your caregivers with this little task; let them concentrate on
heavier tasks like fetching and carrying.

2. Don't scrub or peel away any scab (the hard covering formed on a wound
as it heals). Otherwise, you may scrub away both the scab and the healthy
skin developing under it. The scab will dry up and fall away by itself once
the skin underneath is fully developed.

3. If you accidentally break a scab and bleeding starts from that spot,
don't wipe away the blood (or more blood will ooze out). Let the blood form
a new scab over the spot.

4. Cover the incision (with nylon tied round your waist) when bathing , to
prevent soaking and opening up the incision.

5. The stitches will be removed by your doctor once the incision has been
covered by pink skin throughout its length. However, the holes left behind
by the removed stitches must be protected from water. Therefore , continue
to wipe the holes (and the incision line) with methylated spirit and
protect them from water until they heal.

6. After the holes heal (and there is no scab or hole on the incision
line), you can bathe your whole body without covering up any part. However,
wash the incision area gently with your hands and soap only. The pink skin
or ridge is too delicate for any hard sponge. 🔯* After your incision has
been fully covered with pink skin, stop wiping it with methylated
spirit ; it is unnecessary. 

7.  Keep constipation at bay by drinking a lot of water and eating fruits,
vegetables and fibre-rich foods. Stay away from junk foods and drinks.
Doing this will help prevent the development of new fibroids and also keep
a host of other diseases at bay.

8. Even after your incision has closed (with pink skin), don't lift
anything heavier than 2.5 kg (or 2.5 litres of water) or bend down with
your fingers below the knee (e.g. to pick something from the floor, wash
your legs,etc) for the first 3 months after the surgery. The inner layers
of the incision (between your skin and your womb) also need to heal. *
Don't eat or drink more than that amount (2.5 kg or litres) at a time.
Taking small meals frequently is better than burdening your body with heavy
meals or a lot of water.

9. Walking and lying on your back are safe exercises you can do (from the
moment you are allowed to take your first walk) to tone up the excess flab
in your belly after fibroid removal.

10.   After the third post-surgery month, you can bend down to wash your
feet, do the laundry and other chores but don't carry items that are too
heavy for you. 

11. . Be careful about lifting young children. Most children weigh about
3 kg at birth, 7 kg at 6 months, 10 kg at 1 year, 12 kg at 2, 15 kg at
3, 16 kg at 4, 19 kg at 5, etc. Walk and play with them but don't lift
too much weight too soon.

12  .Avoid riding on rickety roads to avoid upsetting your uterine
lining and seeing blood in the wrong time of your cycle. This lesson
will also protect you from a miscarriage when pregnant. Walk instead
or find a better route.

13. . Don't stress yourself unnecessarily. It is better to fetch 60
litres of water in 12 5-litre trips than in 6 10-litre trips or 5
12-litre trips. Don't always carry the maximum weight you have safely
carried before; it may be safe to carry that weight once or twice but
not on a regular basis. Spread apart your chores. Get help whenever
you can (even if you have to beg your worst enemy), rather than injure
yourself. NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER UNDERGONE
SURGERY. YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE IT EASY THROUGHOUT LIFE.

NOTE: The above tips are based on MY experiences. Yours may be different (
based on the size and location of the fibroids, extent of the surgical
cut,etc) . Therefore, consult your surgeon for specific instructions.

______________

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