Should a childless spinster adopt a child?

A Christian spinster is usually advised to patiently wait for a monogamous marriage before having children. "Single motherhood is stressful. A child needs both parents". Later on in life, she will be told to consider adoption if she is feeling lonely, rather than have her own child out of wedlock. If single motherhood is not ideal for her own child, does someone else's child deserve it? Is it even in the child's own interests? 

1. The best adoptive home for an orphan is the one where the married couple already have a child or 2 of their own. The wife's health has been stabilized by childbearing. She is not dragged to the surgical theatre by fibroids for not having her own biological child (https://punchng.com/virginity-does-not-protect-from-fibroid-ivf-expert/). The couple are not shedding tears of frustration every time the wife menstruates, making the adopted child wonder, "Am I not good enough to make them happy?" The adopted child is not emotionally crushed by hearing them pray to get their own child. They are likelier to stay married for life than childless couples (who may break up to test their fertilities elsewhere). Very few people will know they are not the biological parents. 

2. The 2nd-best adoptive home is the one with a childless couple. At least, they have each other. They can wait for the child to sleep at night before trying to have their own child. The child cannot interfere with their love life. Once the wife remains healthy, they will be able to do their best by the child. 

3. The next-best home is the one with a single mother. Even if she doesn't ever have the chance to get married, she already has at least one biological child. She doesn't have to fear menopause any longer and is less prone to fibroids than a childless woman. She can afford to bear a "Mrs" title (with the same surname as the children) , in order to "dignify" the children. 

4. The worst home is the one with a childless spinster. (a) She is highly prone to fibroids , which tend to regrow even after surgery until she gives birth biologically. (b) Adoption scares away most eligible men (who don't want to marry single mothers and carry another man's responsibilities) from her, while the biological single mothers (who are also fibroid-free) hide their children with relatives or orphanages in order to attract bachelors for marriage. (c) A spinster and her date will be disturbed by the adopted child during his evening visits, since they don't live together as a couple. (d) Since she has no husband by her side and is still a "Miss", she must explain to curious wives asking for the child's father that the child is adopted (and not born by her for anyone's husband) for the child's own safety.     

[ Caring for someone else's child ] + [ the health problems of childlessness ] - [ the support of a husband ] = [ the worst of all worlds ]. 

Orphanages provide a vital service for abandoned children. They foster them till 18 years of age before sending them out , to make way for new babies. Other members of the society (including people who can't afford to adopt them) can donate the little money they have to the orphanage. Politicians and other bigwigs also do the same. "Little drops of water, little grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the beauteous land". The absence of any extra help or inheritance after age 18 is compensated for by the absence of extended family responsibilities towards nephews, nieces, aged relatives, etc later in life. Agony aunts, the right books, etc will provide emotional support.  

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People should have only the number of children they can cater for, without depending on others to foster or adopt them. God is not against family planning. After having enough children ,how can a married couple obey Matthew 19:9 ("don't divorce your spouse except on the grounds of adultery") ; 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 ("don't deprive each other of sex, except by mutual consent for a SHORT period of prayer") and 1 Timothy 5: 8 ("whoever doesn't provide for his own family is worse than an unbeliever") without using some form of family planning? It is abortion that God hates (Exodus 21: 22-25 ; Psalm 139: 16 ; Ecclesiastes 11: 5 ; Isaiah 49: 1 ; Luke 1: 41, 44 ), not pregnancy prevention. God killed Onan for preventing CHILDLESS Tamar from having any child after marrying her in order to get her late husband's (his late brother's) property (Genesis 38: 1-11 ; Deuteronomy 25: 5-10). God spared Ruth's closest male in-law, who was honest enough to decline both her and Mahlon's property and let richer Boaz marry her (Ruth 4: 1-10). Don't be a "dog in the manger".   

An online women's conference

Mrs A and Mrs B are close friends. While Mrs A lives with her husband and posts their family pictures on social media, she doesn't know Mr B (her friend's husband). The two friends have the following conversation one day. 

Mrs A: As close as we are, why don't I know your husband and your children's father? You keep telling me he works and lives outside the country.

Mrs B: Why are you worried? Does my husband's surname tally with yours? Maybe you should get a computer geek to track your husband's phone conversations. 

Mrs A: I have done that already and know you are not dating him or have children for him. I am just curious about why your man has never visited you. Is he late?  

Mrs B: No. He is still alive but married to another woman.

Mrs A: Who entered his life first : you or she?

Mrs B: Me. 

Mrs A: Please give me the details. I'm all ears. 

Mrs B: We dated while in the secondary school but later parted when he insisted on premarital sex. We were both too young for parenthood then. Even when I graduated and got a job, the men I dated insisted on getting me pregnant to confirm my fertility before taking me to the altar. I don't believe in premarital sex and suggested we go for fertility check-ups (including ultrasound scans and hormonal profile tests) instead. They refused and walked away. Yet, a man will get 4 women pregnant, marry one (or even none) and ask all the others to abort. I later developed fibroids at 32.   

Mrs A: What are fibroids? 

Mrs B: Fibroids are non-cancerous tumors that grow in a woman's womb. My belly started enlarging like a pregnant woman's, scaring potential suitors away. Sellers of baby things started pestering me whenever I go to the market. Doctors blamed my being childless at that age and advised surgery (https://punchng.com/virginity-does-not-protect-from-fibroid-ivf-expert/). Less informed people say only family planning causes fibroids in women. The only family planning method I was using then was abstinence. When I asked them why most married women (who ALL use contraceptives, rather than abstinence, to space or stop child-bearing) don't have fibroids, they kept quiet. I had to explain that, "Married women stop using contraceptives every 2 or 3 years to have another child, while we spinsters use abstinence non-stop for decades (while waiting for a monogamous marriage) and become fibroid-prone due to nulliparity. Even if they develop fibroids after their last child, they can cheerfully wait for menopause to clear up the fibroids without going for surgery. If the pains or bleeding become unbearable, they can have their wombs removed to prevent a regrowth". I drank all sorts of potions from traditional healers but none worked. My belly kept slowly getting bigger and I had 2-week-long belly pains (called fibroid degeneration) every 6 months. I eventually underwent the surgery at 37.      

Mrs A: What happened next? 

Mrs B: I was told to try to have my own child (after resting for 1 year) in order to prevent a fibroid regrowth. At that age, most bachelors were younger than I and considered me too old for marriage, while most men my age and above were married. The only widower who asked me out had 5 children and was always broke. I knew I couldn't help him feed them all and still be able to bear and rear my 2-3 children. Surgery has weakened me too much for that. I prefer a living rival (who will help rear her own children) to a dead one (whose children will be a burden to me). Then I ran into my ex at a seminar and we exchanged contacts. Though I knew he is now married, I wanted to avoid another fibroid surgery. I have my own job, had only the number of children I can rear alone, have never gone near his matrimonial home and send only safe messages to his phone. Which wife will suspect a contact who sends prayer messages (covering both him and his family), health tips, inspirational sermons, etc (but no love messages) to her husband's phone? My kids and I bear one of his other names. I showed my close relatives only his photo (so they can avoid sleeping with him, which would be incest) but kept his real names and other details to myself (so they won't accidentally spill the beans to someone who knows the wife).Thank God for the impossibility of maternity fraud from a shared husband or lover. 

Mrs A: Now I understand why today's mistresses do not continue to wait for their own husbands. Isaiah 4:1 is also being fulfilled in our day.  It's not easy to frequent the surgical theatre without a child to show for it, while some other women gloat about having all their children vaginally. You can't wait for a divorcé or widower at an advanced age without wishing another woman divorced or prematurely dead. I wish all mistresses are as reasonable as you are. Some of them wish us dead so that they can take over, not knowing the problems we domiciled wives face.  

Mrs B: What problems? 

Mrs A: While you may occasionally bemoan your teenage son's lack of a full-time father, you have only you and your children to feed most of the time. We domiciled wives must always put food on the table for our husbands and in-laws, regardless of an inadequate housekeeping allowance. If we complain to our in-laws, they call us our husbands' destiny-stealers. Feeding is more expensive than the rent and school fees our husbands pay to keep up appearances. You can't hide your phone and investment documents from a live-in husband, while you are advised to leave his own phone alone for peace to reign. That's why single mothers build their own personal houses faster than we domiciled wives do. My husband always reminds me that he built our house alone but forgets the heavy financial burden (of feeding, rent, school fees, etc) I carried while he paid for the building (which is in his name alone). Whenever I hear that he has another woman somewhere, I dread his bringing her home and sending me packing out of a house we both laboured to build. Some men endanger our lives by bringing their mistresses home while we are away, or sleeping with our friends, househelps, etc. No man will come and beat you up at your place the way he beats up his wife at home. That's why we wives throw tantrums and appear selfish and wicked to you mistresses. All our husband's mistresses know us from our husband's social media accounts and feel threatened when we visit their neighbourhoods for church evangelism, parties, visiting friends and relatives, etc. We may even stroll into their salon to make our hair after we finish shopping. They will think we are tracking them down when we really haven't known them as our rivals. 

Mrs B: Thanks for enlightening me in turn. Now I know how the other half lives. My teenage son interacts with good father figures at their best through good books and church programmes. My male relatives also answer his personal questions. After all, orphans survive the same way. 

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I hope we have all learnt something from this conference. Have a nice day. 

 

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You may also like to read the following : 

http://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2023/04/fibroid-surgery-and-recovery-process.html?m=1 

   ; 

  https://adeboyefa.blogspot.com/2024/08/some-socio-economic-tips.html?m=1 .

PREPARING FOR THE 2026 COMPUTER-BASED SSCE.

The Federal Government has announced that the Senior School Certificate Examination (SSCE) will be computer-based as from 2026 (https://tribuneonlineng.com/no-going-back-on-transition-of-neco-waec-others-to-cbt-fg/ ; https://fmino.gov.ng/fg-unveils-full-transition-to-cbt-for-waec-and-neco-by-2026-commends-necos-pilot-scheme/) . The multiple-choice sections will be done as in the UTME, so most candidates can learn what to expect from their older brothers and sisters. However, the other sections (practicals, essays, comprehension and summary) will also be computer-based. How can the candidates, parents, schools, examination bodies , governments, etc prepare for a hitch-free exam next year? 

1. Students (beginning from SSS 1, if not earlier) should start using their holidays to learn typing at the computer centres near them. While most students can type and send text messages, emails, social media posts and comments, etc from their phones (and can therefore easily type their essay, comprehension and summary answers in the English Language papers), they need to learn how to type fractions, superscripts, subscripts, integral signs, matrices, vectors, chemical equations, etc and how to draw complex diagrams before they can type their answers correctly in Maths and other science subjects. What about typing Yorùbá answers with the right tonal marks? They need to undergo training in using Microsoft Office, Corel Draw, etc and typing with 10 fingers instead of 2 (for greater speed). Most smartphone Office apps (such as WPS Office) do not allow typing fractions, matrices, vectors, etc (which are on the laptop and desktop Office apps) but only allow subscripts, superscripts and some diagrams (with the help of screenshots and photo editing). Hence, students should be trained in the desktop and laptop Office apps. After all, they will write their exams on desktop or laptop computers, not on smartphones. Smartphones can, however, help them access and view videos (from YouTube, Tiktok, etc) on using these apps. 

2. Parents should buy smartphones for their children and enrol them for computer training during the holidays, as discussed above. Smartphones will also give them access to the online versions of Advanced Learners' dictionaries (which are always fuller than the print versions, which must be portable). They can find zillions of synonyms and antonyms for any word through Google-search links to thesauruses (special dictionaries containing synonyms, antonyms and related words). This will help them solve crossword puzzles (also obtainable online), which will help enrich their vocabularies.  

3. Schools should start exposing their students to computer-based exams from SSS 1. Assignments can even be typed on phones and sent to teachers' email boxes. This will improve their proficiency in typing. 

4. Exam bodies should record videos of some sample students writing the exams on computers and post the videos online. This will help prepare the less-exposed students in rural schools. It will also confirm the feasibility of the computer-based exam system before the exams begin.      

5. (a) The government (in conjunction with the power holding companies) should ensure a regular uninterrupted electricity supply to all the examination centres throughout the exams. (b) After equipping the public schools with computers and stable electricity, the govt should also provide subsidized e-libraries and computer centres in town for other people (including private school students) to patronize.

6. With the computer-based exam systems, school teachers will no longer need to find specimens for Agric and Biology Practical exams. Hence, no teacher will have a foreknowledge of the specimens his students will identify and answer other questions on. Each candidate's computer will bring pictures or videos of his or her own unique set of specimens. Therefore, each candidate should Google all the unfamiliar organisms, etc in the Agric and Biology syllabuses ahead of the exam, screenshot their pictures and store the pictures into a Practicals folder for constant viewing. The specimens can come from the ocean floor, the desert , the top of a tree, or any unfamiliar habitat within the scope of the syllabus. 

7. The first set of candidates should be given an extra hour or 2 to get used to the new system. This will reduce the public outcry.

8. Marked printouts of each student's scripts (along with his or her unique set of questions) should be scanned into the exam body's online database for concerned parties to consult after the results are released. This feedback system will ensure transparency and accountability. With time, e-marking can be done without having to print out the candidates' e-scripts.

BENEFITS OF THE COMPUTER-BASED EXAMS

1. Typing will shield students from the effects of an illegible handwriting and also help markers with poor eyesight to mark essay-type answers well.

2. The computer will ring most wrongly-spelt words and suggest probable correct ones. This will reduce candidates' spelling errors (at least in Arts subjects). Students should, however, beware of suggested corrections to scientific names.   

3. Students will be able to cancel errors and make corrections without making their scripts unsightly. 

4. Every candidate will get as much writing space as he or she needs, without being constrained by the lack of enough extra sheets.   

Happy preparation to all the concerned stakeholders. 

Public notice on land ownership.

 Only the initial 1 plot of land I bought (at Ajidegbo, Gbongan ,from Chief Femi Akala) and built a house on is currently in my control. The additional half  plot of land I  bought later has been resold by the chief's  younger brother. I am still waiting for the  refund of the current price of the half plot of land (which has been fenced in by the new buyers with the rest of their land) .  I am yet to receive any compensation for it. 

Pictures of the relevant documents have been attached to this post.  The general public should, please, take note. 

MRS MODUPEORE ENAOHWO (NEE ADEBOYE), Courage Cottage, Ajidegbo, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria.  

Co-parenting after a divorce.

While a couple is married, the husband usually goes out to work while the wife takes care of the children and the home. After a divorce, how should the roles be shared? 

In most African lands, the father takes custody of the children and fends for them, while the mother goes away alone like a single lady. While this will make it easier for her to remarry, the father can't stay home all day and so leaves the children behind with a stepmother while going to work. He won't be able to supervise her treatment of his kids and be able to confirm or refute any allegation of ill-treatment. As a result, a bad stepmother maltreats the children or a good stepmother is maligned out of jealousy. 

Children are usually better off with their mother. Even if she remarries, she will be the one to spend more time with the children than their stepfather will. He will, therefore , have no opportunity to ill-treat them in her absence. Their father can always send money into their mother's bank account and mentor the children via phone calls, online messages,etc as they grow up. The e-statements of account and the online chats will show that the father did his duty by the children in spite of the divorce. 

We rarely hear about the wicked stepfather because he is unlikely to be alone with the children in their mother's absence. He can't starve them, since their mother is the cook who will get the feeding allowance from him. 

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If the mother gets custody and the father pays maintenance as described above, children will adjust better to life after their parents' divorce. Also, no stepmother will be able to maltreat them (or be wrongly accused of maltreating them , in a bid to send her packing and reunite their biological parents). Rather than be wrongly called a wicked stepmother, some women would rather live outside (like mistresses) to bear and rear their kids until their stepchildren grow up and leave home. 

In the Bible, mothers usually got custody of their children (including sons) after a divorce (Genesis 21:9-21 ; Ezra 10:44).

Every teacher should have a typed-questions bank.

The summary passage of the June 1998 WASSCE English Language paper describes how public exam bodies set their questions months or even years in advance, vet the questions and then store them securely for future use.  

In this smartphone and Internet age, every teacher can easily keep a bank of his or her past and future typed questions. This is especially important for teachers of Mathematics and other Science subjects (whose questions need careful typing and proofreading because of the subscripts, superscripts, fractions, matrices, vectors, diagrams, etc). They should submit their handwritten questions to the typist early and get the typed Word document sent to their smartphones for careful proofreading before printing. Otherwise, they will have to go and make the corrections right in the examination halls. Even then, the question papers will be unsightly.

After proofreading the Word document and making all the necessary corrections, send the document to the printer. Keep the edited document on your phone & upload it as an email attachment for future reference. Each new term, paste in your new set of edited questions and upload the new document as an email attachment again. You are gradually building up your typed exam questions' bank. 

You can create a future questions' bank by: (a) using your phone to take pictures of typed questions on paper, extract the text in those pictures (with Google Photos, etc) into your phone's keyboard clipboard, and paste those questions into a Word document for proofreading ; (b) copying the text of questions found online into a Word document for proofreading. If your handwriting is legible enough, you can convert pictures of your handwritten questions into typed text. Pictures can be photographed (from books) or screenshot (from the Internet) and inserted into the Word document. You can also use your phone to draw complex diagrams with the help of an Office app and a photo-editing app .

You are now ready to churn out quality questions even at short notice. Your used and new questions are already in typed form and can be selected, copied and pasted into a new document, rearranged and numbered to your taste, etc within 30 minutes and sent for printing. You are ready to beat any deadline and can now concentrate on writing your lesson notes, delivering the lessons, marking your students' scripts, etc. WPS Spreadsheet (or other equivalent apps) will help you calculate the sums and arithmetic means of many students' scores fast during the result collation stage.  

Most typists make silly typing mistakes while rushing to type many questions within a week or two. Assist both them and yourself by submitting your questions early, proofreading your typed questions on your phone or computer (while they continue typing other people's questions on their computer) and keeping a typed question bank document regularly uploaded to your email box for safekeeping. 

 

"The Hunchback of Notre-Dame" by Victor Hugo.

The novel is set in France. 

 In Rheims, Paquette de Chantefleurie gives birth to a pretty baby girl. Then some Gypsies steal her baby and replace it with an ugly baby boy who is a hunchback. They take away the shoe of one leg of the baby and leave the other behind. Paquette goes to Notre-Dame and becomes a recluse known as "Sister Gudule". She curses every Gipsy she sees from the window of her room. She keeps the shoe left behind by the Gypsies. 

The Gypsies rear Paquette's daughter and she becomes the beautiful La Esmeralda. She dresses like a Gipsy, sings and dances beautifully and takes a goat around with her. She also carries her second shoe (taken by the Gypsies when they stole her) around. Meanwhile, the hunchback baby boy is adopted by the archdeacon of Notre-Dame , Claude Frollo, an orphan who has reared up his younger brother, Jehan. The hunchback is named Quasimodo and becomes

the ringer of church bells in Notre-Dame. The noise of the bells make him deaf with time.

 Sister Gudule keeps looking for her daughter and La Esmeralda for her mother. Sister Gudule curses La Esmeralda whenever she sees her, seeing her as a Gipsy.

La Esmeralda has once saved Pierre Gringoire from the gallows by marrying him but wards off his amorous advances with a dagger she always carries ground. She also gives Quasimodo some water to drink when he is pilloried and nobody else is willing to give him water. Quasimodo is eternally grateful to her for this. Her undoing is falling in love with one Captain Phoebus de Châteaupers ,the lover of rich Fleur-de-lys de Gondelaurier. 

While Fleur-de-Lys hates her because of Phoebus, the archdeacon wants her for himself. One day, Phoebus and Esmeralda enter a hotel room but the archdeacon stabs him from behind and everyone thinks she did it . She is sentenced to death by hanging, though Phoebus is not really dead. Quasimodo carries her to a sanctuary, from where the archdeacon and Pierre take her away in a boat. While Pierre is busy with the goat, the archdeacon asks her to choose between accepting his love advances and death by hanging. She defiantly chooses the latter so he takes her to Sister Gudule's cell and goes to call the soldiers. However, Sister Gudule and La Esmeralda get talking and discover they are mother and daughter when the shoes in their hands matched. Sister Gudule quickly changes from her enemy to her protector.  

Sister Gudule will have succeeded in hiding her from the soldiers, if she has not heard Phoebus' voice and shouted his name. Sister Gudule bites the hangman but pays for this with her life. The archdeacon watches Esmeralda's hanging with great pleasure from the top of the church tower. Quasimodo pushes him down from behind and he dies. Quasimodo flees Notre-Dame but his skeleton is found entwined with Esmeralda's 2 years later. Pierre Gringoire saves the goat and Phoebus marries his Fleur-de-lys.

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* "Gipsies" = "Gypsies". Both spellings are correct.